I know it has been a while since I have not written anymore but it has been an interesting journey the past few months about all types of relationships, friends, lovers, people around and whoever comes along my path.
I have been in a deeper discovery of myself, every day is a new day, everyday I am learning to achieve something new dat by day and working in changing perspectives in situations that are brought to my present. I am learning not to look in the past anymore because it means I keep activating it in the present and I do not focus in what is happening now. I decided to have a better future and God it takes work to pass the past!
I went through a few difficult moments in where you want to make a person special and part of your life and all this people do is not to honor what you are. In fact I have learned that if you do not love enough yourself and trust who you are, you are never gonna find happiness in anyone because you will blame the other person of your unhappiness. You will be constantly clinging in others people's energy to make you happy and all you will be having are expectations.
We all want to share our life with somebody, friend or lover, we are always searching a person to spend our time, I wont assume everybody does it, but a lot of us did it or still do it. We have come to the point where our minds are so saturated with images, noise, by the so called trash-media, that our brain does not allow us to wake up from our eternal sleeping and therefore we feel like we are always missing something, that we are not full if we are not either watching tv, going out dinning, clubbing or doing drugs. We have to be surrounded by people because at the end of the day we do not want to feel lonely of empty.
I have learned that when you are changing into a new path and you are preaching the so called "spirituality" and you are working to have control over your world instead of being controled by others, people start to pull away. They do not really understand the process through what you are going, and they want you to be in the way they EXPECT you to be. These are one of the problems we face in that moment, expectations, when somebody has those expectations about you and you do not really fulfill them, then people think you are crazy and stay away from you, they start treating you in a different way because you did not give them what THEY wanted. But if you were always honest to that person and primarly to yourself, you have to step away and let it go, because his/her happiness and your wont be anymore a given. These type of situations could happen as follows, and tell why you can not achieve happiness anymore with that person in that moment, it can change in a future when you both are ready not to bring the past in the present and learn to be compassionate:
Example 1: he or she loves you and has these expectations from you, she thinks in a way you "must" act or re act to certain actions he or she performs/do for you, in any action the other person is doing, is expecting something in return, either love, attention, money, some kind of reaction, but not that kind or reaction that would come from your heart, it wont come anymore, because when you are aware of this, then you have to think "what if you do this or you do that and affects that person", but hey! do not take me wrong, I am saying these thoughts come from you for not to hurt the other person, but you are not enjoying your life anymore and the other person neither. It is a cycle that becomes sick. The other person pictures you in a frame with diamonds and gold and these ones become tears and blood because basically you are not what they want you to be.
Example 2: The person does not have expectations from you anymore, that is what she/he says, and everything is perfect, you get along well, you talk, you love each other but suddenly everything changes again. The other person has taken you from the image he or she had of you and the only things that starts to see are the wrong ones, in most cases, because they really never looked at you for who you were, or sometimes they realize you are not compatible after all that time. You in the other hand, if you were honest and direct with that person then you will learn that the best is to step away and move on with your life. Because you can not become another victim of the victimization of somebody else and none of you are happy to be around each other anymore. You have to learn that both sides contributed to be at that point, but in this life some people rather take other direction than yours.
You see, there can be a lot of examples to this type of expectations from friendships/lovers/people, a loooott more, but basically we have to learn to love and to respect every single person for who they are, you are not here to please anyone but yourself, you have to take in consideration the others and remember where you stand. You do mistakes but you have to be aware of them, and if you are not and someone points it out in a respectful way then Hallelujah! that person really loves you. You can not walk away the moment your friend/lover makes a mistake because imagine if your mom/dad did it, then they really did not love you at all, and I am sorry for all those that come to realize reading this; if your parents were not there when you made a mistake is because they simply did not care, I am not trying to do harm or anything like that, I think love comes from caring and loving not from blood. I have to take the word here and say that I am very blessed with my parents because no matter how many times I have made mistakes they stand by me in their way but they are there, I have to be thankfull that they are sticking around and that applies to every single person that is part of your/my life. You can not expect a friend to be there for you in the way you want it. You have to let them be who they are and put in perspective if that is the type of person you want to hang around and make it part of your life forever. It is all about finding in yourself what you want to have and what you want to attract in your life. Once you really start bein trutful to your soul/mind/values then 2 things: people will walk away on you, even people that you thought were the dearest person in your life because they simply do not understand what you are going through and/or you will attract the right people that are seeking the same as you are. After all we all are here to learn and all relationships help to build up a great spirit.
It is a very bast and long subject of discussion, because we are so afraid to stan by ourselves, to search inside ourselves and believe in a God that provides everything, all I can say from a lot of things I have read and heard in the past few months are: if that person is not in your present it is because God, for some reason, does not want them to be in your life anymore. But we are so hang up in suffering and complaining that we hold on to them than the actual happiness
Happiness is the easiest way to live in life, we just have made it so difficult to have because we look for it everywhere and when the person/opportuinity presents, and it is perfect and has most of what we want in life we do not believe it, we run away, because we have learned that suffering must be part of the process. I went to see Blue Valentine the other day with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling that is a perfect example in what we go through a lot of relationships: if we were born and raised in yelling and drama, we look for it in somehow in any type of relationship because it was inyected in our DNA since we were kids, it was part of our environment. In the movie Ryan is such a good guy that loves Michelle no matter what, but she had expectations from him and when he did not fullfil them she was unhappy and bitter.
All these patterns are there in our "blood". But we can change it once we see what is the actual virus in our DNA. We have to learn that happiness is not in that special person, it is in you.. it is in you because you were made SPECIAL by God, you are just as SPECIAL as anyone else in the world around you. We all are different for a reason and special because we all are son/daughters of GOD, we become from the same fountain of light. When you realize that, the other special person will be next to you and you wont have any expectations of that person you will just live your present and both will understand that happiness is just a choice to be YOURSELF... the one that GOD wants you to be.
Have an excellent life